2005-01-25 - 9:12 a.m.

Quote for the day: Maximus: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
-Gladiator (2000)

I was just in time as I got the kids into the van and was just about to leave to go to the vets office. We had 30min to do this plus stop at the post office too. It�s when I was walking to the gate that I saw him. The sheriff�s car was at my gate he was looking at paper work.

I was thinking maybe he is checking up on something around our neighbor hood and just turning around. My hopes dashed as he rose from his car. Ok so I thought maybe he was following up on a crime happening to one of my neighbor�s house. Are you so and so he said. He said my first name wrong. �No , perhaps you have the wrong address?

He looked down at his paper work, your address so and so. I said yes confirming it. Are you Thomas�..last name wife? Yes I said. He had a grim expression on his face now. �I am sorry to inform you Ma�am but your husband died in San Antonio this morning.�

I grabbed a hold of the fence for support and hurriedly looked back to make sure my daughter hadn�t heard. The first thing that went through my head was to protect her from hearing this.

How? Car accident? They would have called me from work if it happened at work? �I don�t know Ma�am you need to call the medical examiners office. In denial I grabbed my cell phone that was in my pocket and dialed his number. I don�t even remember dialing his number. It rang, and rang, tears spilled on my cheeks I remember exactly when I started crying, will I ever hear his voice again?

Would his answering machine be the only voice I hear of him, I had to call my sisters I didn�t want to tell my mom she was just recovering from surgery, then almost the last ring before the answering picked up he answered. Oh my God Tom they are telling me you are dead! I sobbed.

What? Who? I started trying to explain mean while I hear the officer ask.
�Did he get his wallet stolen? No husband said. I am sorry Ma�am and he left. I fell to the grounds and started throwing up the full force of what had almost happened came crashing down on me.

My husbands screaming on the phone to me if I was all right, he said he was coming home. I said NO! Stay there your safe but then as I went inside with the kids and canceled the vet appointment I was regretting it. I told daughter what had happened because she wanted to know why I was crying.

Hubby decided to come home and he curled up with me on the bed and held me. I found out later the man had the same birthday as my husband was the same age. They had different middle names and different social ## so that was not identity theft.

Medical examiners said he killed himself and had been looking for the next of kin they didn�t tell the officer to tell me that. I don�t blame him though it was so close and I would have asked why he wanted me to contact the examiners office and he would have said the death of Tom�.

Even as I write this I am teary eye. I am thankful my husband is ok, but it still makes me sad when I think about how if it was true I could have lost him. Hubby made jokes about it to try to cheer me up. �You know those M models were never stable anyways� You know for a dead person I am still in pain with my back� I feel like such a baby to feel this way. What happened to the strong woman I thought I was in crises?

I pray for the lost soul that thought he had to take his life that was my husband�s age. What was so horrible that he would do that? I strongly believe that there is a purpose for every thing.

Maybe God wanted me to appreciate my husband more; maybe that man needed someone to pray for him. Who knows? I am just so thankful that day is over with and that it wasn�t true. Soon, hopefully soon it will be just a fading nightmare.

I love and adore my husband he is my best friend in the whole world. I can tell him anything, he understanding, never has said an unkind word to me in our arguments. He is a good provider, good husband, and good father to our children.

Husband has taken to reading the bible more. I guess it shook him up more then I thought it did. I guess I am more patient with him now and have dedicated my self to be more focus around my family. Life is so short. We have to make the best of it and enjoy it while we can and be thankful for all that we have that is good.

A New Year-Lesson learned - January almost over